Maybe my crappy mood today has something to do with this list. I ran across it on the web today, where some folks worked incredibly hard to compile this, since there seems to be no end to the number of lies coming from this White House administration and its favorite conspirators – the Senate, the House, and Fox News.

New Truths, according to today’s Conservatives
(or How the Truth Became A Lie and Lies Became Truths)

  • There is no global warming.
  • There is global warming, but humans didn’t cause it.
  • Helen Thomas is old and batty.
  • Mexicans are taking our jobs.
  • Iraq sent its WMDs to Syria.
  • Democrats don’t want to wiretap terrorists.
  • Joe Wilson admitted that Valerie Plame wasn’t covert.
  • Karl Rove has a faulty memory.
  • Scooter Libby has a faulty memory.
  • Tom DeLay is like Jesus Christ.
  • No one could have anticipated that the levees would be breached.
  • We do not torture.
  • Howard Dean can’t raise money.
  • John F. Kerry is a flip-flopper.
  • George W. Bush is a decider.
  • John McCain is a straight-shooter.
  • Dick Cheney is a sober shooter.
  • Nobody at the White House knows Jack Abramoff.
  • Democrats do.
  • The economy is great.
  • Evolution isn’t supported by the facts.
  • Diebold voting machines are secure.
  • Fox News is fair and balanced.
  • Mission accomplished.
  • Bill Clinton did it too.
  • No one could have anticipated the Iraqi insurgency.
  • The budget deficit will be cut in half in four years.
  • Anyone who thinks Dubai shouldn’t control our ports is racist.
  • No one who thinks we should build a wall along the Mexican border is racist.
  • George Allen isn’t a racist… anymore.
  • Terry Schiavo wanted to live.
  • Andrea Clark wanted to die.
  • We’ve turned a corner in Iraq.
  • There’s a war on Christmas.
  • There’s a war on Easter.
  • The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant
  • uantities of uranium from Africa.
  • Bush won Florida in 2000.
  • Bush won Ohio in 2004.
  • We support open, free, and fair elections.
  • Bush earned political capital.
  • Losing by 2 million votes in 2000 is a mandate.
  • Winning by 3 million votes in 2004 is a mandate.
  • Bush won a mandate for his conservative agenda.
  • The grownups will now be in charge.
  • The rule of law is important.
  • This administration will hold itself accountable.
  • No one could have anticipated Katrina would hit New Orleans.
  • Brownie did a heck of a job.
  • No one could have foreseen the failure of FEMA.
  • Kathleen Blanco never asked for federal help.
  • Ray Nagin should have used the buses.
  • Ellen DeGeneres caused Hurricane Katrina.
  • Gay couples seek to destroy Marriage.
  • God plays favorites (just like Dad).
  • Ignorance is strength.
  • Man existed alongside the dinosaurs.
  • There are “Moral Values” voters.
  • The earth is 6,000 years old.
  • We’re not interested in banning contraceptives.
  • America is a Christian nation.
  • GWB is a Godly man.
  • Bush flew F-102s in the Texas Air National Guard.
  • Bush is a compassionate conservative.
  • Bush is a great guy to have a beer with.
  • Bush is no longer an alcoholic.
  • Dubya owns an honest-to-God real ranch.
  • It’s a working vacation. He’s working.
  • George W. Bush is a genius.
  • Dubya is a great cyclist.
  • Segways are really easy to fall off of.
  • Guns don’t kill people… pretzels do.
  • George Bush is a war hero.
  • John Kerry isn’t.
  • John Kerry “outed” Mary Cheney.
  • John Kerry shot himself in the leg to earn his medals.
  • Al Gore thinks he invented the internet.
  • FDR was a communist and a terrible president.
  • Ronald Reagan was the best president in history.
  • Harry Whittington got himself peppered.
  • Hillary Clinton will be the Democrat nominee in 2008.
  • Jefferson was the anti-Christ.
  • Bill Clinton caused 9/11.
  • Bill Clinton was once offered Bin Laden “on a silver platter” and turned it down.
  • Saddam Hussein attacked us on 9/11.
  • 9/11 changed everything.
  • No one could have anticipated airplanes flying into buildings.
  • No one could have foreseen the effects of nuking Iran (next year’s press conference).
  • War is peace.
  • We have removed the Taliban from Afghanistan.
  • The Iraqis will welcome us with open arms and flowers.
  • It could take six days, six weeks, I doubt six months.
  • Pat Tillman was killed by enemy fire.
  • Yellow magnetic car ribbons really help the troops.
  • The insurgency is in its last throes.
  • There’s no civil war in Iraq.
  • But even if Iraq IS in a Civil War, its a good thing.
  • The only way to get Zarqawi is to invade Iraq.
  • We’re fighting them over there so we don’t have to fight them over here.
  • When they stand up, we’ll stand down.
  • Iraqi oil will pay for the war and the reconstruction.
  • Gas prices are high because of liberal environmental regulations.
  • Drilling the ANWR will lower the price of oil.
  • Gas prices are high because of taxes.
  • The ‘magic of the marketplace’ will solve all problems.
  • Unemployment numbers have never been so low.
  • Republicans restored the economy after the shambles left by Clinton.
  • There was a Clinton/Gore recession.
  • The economy is booming!
  • As President, Governor Bush will pay the debt down to a historically low level.
  • By far the vast majority of tax cuts go to the bottom end of the spectrum.
  • Tax breaks for Hummers are good for the economy.
  • Tax cuts are super for the middle class.
  • Tax cuts increase revenue.
  • The estate tax hurts family farms.
  • Private Accounts will save Social Security.
  • Bush will make health insurance affordable for hard-working, low-income families.
  • Healthy Forests Initiative will help forests.
  • No Child Left Behind will help all children.
  • Healthy Skies Initiative will reduce air pollution.
  • Nobody wants reform more than Republicans.
  • Republicans are compassionate conservatives.
  • Republicans are pro-life.
  • Freedom is slavery.
  • The government is tapping your phone to protect you.
  • Dissent is unpatriotic.
  • Valerie Plame is covert and a traitor.
  • Karl Rove couldn’t have done it because he knew he’d get caught.
  • Patrick Fitzgerald is going to indict Joe Wilson.
  • Bush and his twin were funny.
  • Jeff Gannon is a serious journalist.
  • Republicans have a sense of humor.
  • Rush is Right.
  • The media is liberal.
  • No one could have anticipated that Colbert would tell the world the Emperor has no clothes.
  • Everything is hunky-dory.
  • You’re either with us, or against us.
  • A vote for John Kerry, is a vote for Al Qaeda.
  • George Bush doesn’t read the polls.
  • …But he does read all those books.
  • Everyone had the same intelligence.
  • Iraq is the central front on the war on terrorism.
  • All options are on the table.
  • Republicans are the party of ideas.
  • Those trucks we found in Iraq were mobile biological weapons labs.
  • We know where they (the WMD) are.
  • These are not assertions. These are facts backed up by solid intelligence.
  • Terri Schiavo is responsive. (Bill Frist on the Senate floor).
  • I never said she was responsive (Bill Frist, about a week later).
  • Anyone who leaks information will no longer be part of this administration.
  • Sex Education causes STDs and increases pregnancy rates.
  • HPV vaccine will cause teen sex cults.
  • Harriet would be a great justice. I know her heart.
  • Terrorists didn’t know we could use wiretaps
    until they read about it in the paper.
  • We are in a war that is a different kind of war than we’ve been in before.
  • Vice President Cheney is a former CEO of Halliburton.
  • I will restore honor and integrity to the White House.
  • Nothing is more important in a time of war than cutting taxes.
  • Democrats hate America.
  • Vince Foster was murdered.
  • “Bin Laden Determined to Strike within the U.S.”–is a historical document.
  • Thousands of tactical errors were surely made in the war against Iraq.
  • And when I said “thousands” of tactical errors, I was speaking figuratively.
  • America has ‘uncontrolled’ and ‘unprecedented’ immigration.
  • The national anthem should only be sung in English.
  • Jesus would have voted for Bush.
  • Bush is a uniter, not a divider.
  • Bush is the ‘CEO’ President.
  • Republicans give you back ‘your money.’
  • Whenever we say ‘wiretaps’ that means we’re going to get a court order.
  • George Bush was a successful businessman.
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